If I could turn back time
My last posts focused on my single life and it got me thinking ‘would you turn back time’?
I’m very much someone who likes to looks forward and try’s not to looking back to much, living by this motto has helped me move on from situations easier than if I was to dwell on them. That being said some things are harder to get over and it got me thinking why do some people have such an effect on us where others we can forget and move on from!
I talked a bit about some funny dates I’ve had, there were some that I thought went really well but soon after I got ghosted. Ghosting is a thing I’ve had to get used to as it’s happened quite a few times in my dating life but looking at the ones that decided to ghost me, you probably wasn’t ready for me anyway ha
Dating apps have made it so easy to ghost people these days which has turned into a mine field for finding love, experiencing a few bruised egos especially when you don’t get a reply or god forbid a date out of it. The biggest thing that gets ‘my goat’ is when men on dating apps feel the need to promote their instagrams on bumble tinder etc - ahem we’re not here to bulk the numbers up boys we're here to meet the potential loves of our lives.... no?
Maybe i've got it all wrong and I’m asking for to much out of these experiences but when you really are looking for the love of your life there is nothing to do but hope ‘the one’ will arrive!
DID I MAKE A MISTAKE
yes I am only human I have made many mistakes in my love life, manly with giving bad men too much time and good men to little time. I’ve always had this ideal vision in my head (see it’s the creative in me) of what my man should look like, do, be etc and I know that its wrong to look for a someone only who has these credentials but if I don’t fancy them I just don’t fancy them. There’s no ‘he’ll grow on you gem’ I’m stubborn I know this but I just know what I want and I’ve never wanted to settle for less than that.
Circumstances in my family life and work like have made me a lot tougher than I used to be, I look back and think at times I was a walk over with men, believing everything they said and ‘giving them the benefit of the doubt’ I don’t do that anymore I’ve toughened up. I didn’t choose to get tough but as you know life takes you to places that change you as a person and in hindsight make you a lot more bad ass!
I DO REGRET SOME OUTFIT CHOICES
I met this guy in Ibiza at Zoo project he was fit as f*** it makes me sweet just thinking how hot he was, anyway it just so happened that he worked in demolition and so does my dad... we had a common ground, bingo!
We chatted whilst raving in a disused seal pond which had been turned into an open air arena with people dressed like animals and hot dancers everywhere but for me there was no distractions as all I could think was ‘wow this is the perfect ending to my holiday’. We danced all night shared a kiss ;) and he took my number subtly hinting he’d call when he got home. So I’m at Zoo projects dressed like a tiger kinda but with a straw fascinator on which id made (don't ask) but no that was not the outfit that put him off it was the one I wore when we meet in London!!!
So jumping back to after holiday, I thought I’d never hear from him as back then no social media existed just texts so no insta stalking for me haha I just had to wait it out. He had just arrived in Ibiza so he still had a whole week to go, yep a whole week of holiday perving, meeting hot girls in tong bikinis urrrgh kill me now. Flash forward one week and i'm sitting in Nando’s with Carles & Clare with the Ibiza blues, as I began to kiss that mini holiday romance goodbye my phone lite up with his name, James had text and wanted to meet up BOOM I was back in the game!!
I got ready in my usual skinny jeans, low back top as I still had a nice tan from holiday, accessories, hair ghd in soft curls to match my laid back vibe haha and then it came to the footwear.... my burgundy biker boots or as mum called them ‘my disabled boots’ which she absolutely hated. I walked downstairs ready to go feeling all confident (as I bloody loved those faith boots... well at the time I did now they scare me) mum took one Look and I knew what was coming “your wearing those boots”??? SILENCE... “yes mum I love my multi buckle strap, cone heal, weird biker shape, burgundy boots” NO REPLY!!!
Well to cut a long story short I wore the boots and I bloody wish I didn’t and I wish I’d listened to mum. He did not stop looking at them all night.... I thought they were cool, he must of thought ‘what have I signed up for here’. basically he ghosted me after the date but looking back at those boots, I think I would of ghosted me too!!!
LETTING MYSELF MOVE FORWARD?
I know I said I regretted a few outfit choices but thats all materialistic really isn't it, regretting what we wear isn't really something thats life changing. What I do regret is not letting myself 'go with the flow' with some relationships and stopping things before I even gave them a chance because there not my ideal guy. I can feel myself putting up a barrier and holding back especially if I think someone likes me I freak the hell out. Im working on this and I feel in myself a change which has been long over due, I want to start experiencing the life i've put on hold because of my career and insecurities.
I do not want to regret not finding love because i'm to stubborn or scared of where it will take me, I'm ready to open my heart and create the next chapter in my life.....
"I know the easy option is to keep waiting until your 'ready' but its going to get to a point where you realise 'someday' is today and that there is no right time. Ignore the fear of failure and jump when you need to. Its better to fail than to not try at all"