Its A Small Miracle


Welcome back to 'The Edit' I wanted to start a new blog post today but you know what guys my last post ‘skin deep’ didn't really touch base on how my skin has finally become clear, so to put you all out your misery (because I know your dying to know haha) here it is....

I talked about all the treatments i've gone through over the years some include acupuncture, blue light treatment, Kinesiology and how they all lead me to meet some very interesting and amazing people. What happened after all those treatments was something I never thought possible and something that was against everything id believed in. I started on a drug from the doctors yes you heard it I went to the doctor not alternative medicine and I can honestly say it was the best thing I done.  


I was prescribed this drug when I was at my lowest point, thinking back now to all those ups and downs when I hoped I’d found the miracle cure what I really needed was a little bit science. If I hadn't of tried everything else I probably would never of accepted taking such a strong drug for the next 6 months as it has some serious side effects. Accutane is a drug that basically in so many words changes your DNA and the way your body thinks about producing sebum. Now this is just my own version of how it works going on what my dermatologist relayed to me so if your thinking about starting it I would advise doing your own research on good old google.
It starts by changing how your body would usually deal with a spot, so for instance someone like me would have more stickier cells than say a person with a normal skin type. Having sticky cells means that you hold onto oil within your pores instead of shedding that oil like others it remains in the cells and forms spots. Someone with normal skin will have dryer pores and therefore never have this problem they may have the opposite where they suffer from dehydrated skin.
So basically it drys your skin from the inside out which is marvellous for someone like me with very oily skin but its not so great for your lips....


As Accutane drys your pores out so does it your lips and let me tell you this is not good for a 'picker' like me. I think having spots has made me this way as i'm so used to looking in the mirror and crying at the sight of 10 more spots that have multiplied since I lasted looked. I therefore end up squeezing anything in my sight with a very large magnifying mirror and lots of tissue (which I know is wrong, we should never pick or squeeze our skin but try dealing with acne for 15 years then come back and tell me Im not allowed). So the dry lips are intense and as the dosage of the drug increase so does the dryness, i've found a few lip balms that I find are the best. My fave is the Elizabeth Arden 8 hour treatment (listed in my last post skin deep) which is also SPF 20, its a clear balm that goes on beautifully by using the angled nib so no need to rub your fingers all over your lips and it also doesn't smell of cherry or rhubarb like most treatments these days so.... who wants cherry flavoured lips anyway!


This one is the one I was most scared of as I do pick the sun up quite quickly so the thought of burning at any given moment when the sun appeared sent me into a frenzy over the lats few weeks of buying suncreams. Its also so bloody typical that this summer seems to be the hottest summer we've had in the UK for a decade. To my delight though wearing factor 50 at all times make you smell like your on holiday (bonus as my holiday isn’t until September) and i've still managed to start to pick up a little tan from being in the garden, I say little as it is very small!


Your all going to be like wtf but I haven't waxed since beginning of April when I started the treatment, yep a whole 3 months of lots of fuzz haha. Your not allowed to wax becuase not only is your skin sensitive to sunlight it also becomes thinner making it easier to tear your skin therefore waxing is out the question, a very big NO NO. For a gal who has always loved a hollywood bikini wax and one who started waxing her legs and underarms a year ago hearing this news was so disheartening as 1. It would mean I’d have to go back to having prickly legs as my hair grows like wild weeds and 2. I’d have to give into the fact that I’d have to be hairy (down there) all summer as when I shave (down there) I come out in an itchy rash, BEAUTIFUL. I decided I had to suck it all up and accept it!


I was now panicking over the fact that I couldn't wax for 6 months but what Doctor Aysling was really concerned about was me getting pregnant.... No chance of that looking like a gorilla Doc LOL. The reason for this is because if you do get pregnant whilst on the drug your baby will most certainly have a deformity (see I told you there was some severe side effects). I looked at her in horror when she told me this and for those few moments I did question whether my skin was really worth this as I worried it would have an effect on pregnancy later in life. Just so you know once you come off it takes 2 weeks to come out your system with a fully changed DNA system..... it really is a miracle drug.

'Is this drug really worth it' came down to the fact I was miserable with bad skin, not meeting anyone and feeling so insecure of how I looked so ultimately for me to have a baby in the future I needed to do this for me now to give me the confidence back which id lost. I scribbled my name on the dotted line that stated 'at any point that I got pregnant whilst on the drug that the NHS were not liable' and closed the doors on my love life for the next 6 months.


Lastly on my list of things you should know before starting this treatment is the concerning article which "The daily Mail" wrote declaring that Accutane can cause depression. This for me has been one of the ‘side effects’ which stopped me the most from taking the drug that was up until now anyway. I Did read the article when it was published and decided accutane wasn't for me as I already felt awful, why would I want to make myself feel worse. I hoped when I met Doctor Aysling in Harley Street that she would suggest something else and that my skin wasn't that bad but it was the only option I had left. She openly brought the article up in my appointment and reassured me this was not the case. She said something then which will stay with me forever as it touched home how much Id been suffering. 
"people never discuss how individuals feel with acne and how depressing every day life is for them and how it effects their mental health that’s what I want to deal with"
It was like a light bulb moment, I realised i'd been depressed for mostly all the years id had bad skin dealing with feelings of isolation, loneliness which was so bad at times I just wanted to shut myself away from the world. 



I haven't suffered with depression at all whilst i've been on the drug and I think thats due to the fact i've always tried to look at life as a glass half full. I'm so thankful and happy that I don't wake up each morning with spots as red as a traffic light or cysts which caused excruciating pain when touched. My life now feels smoother to say the least :) even though i'm having to deal with the small side effects i'm finally ready to face the world and talk about it.
Sharing my stories has done wonders for me, its like therapy getting it all out and i'm hoping its helping some of you face any hurdles or challenges you have. You may not feel ready right away to tackle those ‘bumps’ in life everyone has to do it in there own time at there own pace. Look at me 15years on and I’ve only just cured my acne and I hope none of you have to go through it for as long as I have.

& on that note ill leave you with a little quote as by now you might of guessed I Love A Good Quote :)

"its better to cross that line and suffer the consequences than to just stare at that line for the rest fo your line"



white vest top - motel asos
knot front midi dress - topshop
sam handbag (sold out so i've added a similar style) - kate spade  
flower sandals -  matches